Being Safety
This resource is written for, with and by mothers who are (or have been) parenting while subjected to violence and abuse by a co-parenting father.
Read and share Being Safety
Being Safety is a reflection resource is designed to:
Acknowledge that all parenting is ‘imperfect’ and involves responsibility, guidance and nurture.
Reveal there is no place for the perpetration of violence and abuse in ‘imperfect parenting/caring’. Violence and abuse limits living, hurts relationships and connections.
Highlight the responses, resistance and resourcefulness involved in parenting when subjected to violence and abuse.
Ask responders to change the status quo, to notice his use of violence and abuse and to hold open more space for safety and living.
Open and share the digital poster with static QR code.
Examples of insights from Being Safety
"As a responding friend, family member, neighbour, colleague, formal responder… We need you to know these things…"
"When I can’t stop or reduce his control and violence, I need you to know…
I am not ‘allowing’ or ‘enabling’ the abuse."
"When I don’t make the seemingly logical decisions you assume I should, I need you to know…
I am not ‘uneducated, incapable or incompetent’."
"When I am having to mother alone, and not talk about what's going on for me, I need you to know…
I am not being ‘isolating’ or ‘alienating’."
"When I have to choose things for myself, ask for what I need, or disconnect, I need you to know…
I am not being ‘selfish’ or ‘non-compliant’."
"When arrangements, agreements or ‘orders’ have been set out and I rely on them being upheld, I need you to know…
I am not being ‘uncaring’ or ‘unreasonable’."
"When I have strong responses to being mistreated and violated by the abuser, and mistrusted and judged by systems, I need you to know…
I am not being ‘crazy’ or ‘difficult’."
"When I ask to get my things back, to be refunded, paid accurately, I need you to know…
I am not acting in ‘vengeance’."
"When I insist on justice, when I don’t want to ‘reconcile’ or ‘get over it’ I need you to know… I am not being ‘evil’ or ‘toxic’ or a ‘bully’."
"If/when I want him in my life, I need you to know… It is not because I think violence is ok."
"When I set up structure, routines and patterns to create stability and safety, I need you to know…
I am not being ‘demanding’ or ‘controlling’."
"When I can’t find things, remember things, get to things or afford things, I need you to know…
I am not being ‘unstructured’ or ‘chaotic’."
"When I am distressed, grieving, distraught, desperate, exasperated, I need you to know…
I am not being ‘dramatic’ or ‘too sensitive’."
"Hold open more space for us.
For us to connect. For us to live.
Unrestrained. Unsilenced. Unafraid."